Strong as I feel

I'm really getting tired of all my ups and downs. Yeah, even if some of them are self induced. I'm still tired of them. How can on one side of my life everything be going swimmingly (I'm loving getting to spend time with quality friends and have intelligent adult conversation and time with my boys who are just growing and getting smarter everyday) and on the other, I have people stressing me out (either friends/family or the doctors). Why does everything take so long?! Really, they shouldn't be allowed to make you sit on pins and needles for a month or so before you know if your sick or not. I don't feel sick, but then, unless it just got out of control I wouldn't. IF i have something wrong. and there in lies my stress. I don't even know. And no, if i haven't already told you whats going on, I'm not going to. for one big reason, i don't want everyone worrying about the specifics, asking me if I've heard anything, etc. Sure, if and when i get a diagnosis I'll let the world know. but at this point it's all scary speculation.
I've decided I'm really going to put forth effort into learning to play guitar. I've printed out the tabs to a song i want to learn, and i have a book of chords on it's way via a friend (supposedly). so, maybe a year from now, i'll be a rock star. lol. we know thats not happening.
I've also cut myself off spending wise. sorry friends, i don't have money to hang out, buy you cigarettes and dinner, or whatever else i normally would do cos i heart you all. I'm so far in debt that i feel hopeless. well, not completely hopeless obviously since I'm working on undoing it.
Basically, once I've got my budget worked out, I'm short about 300 a month. that's a lot, i know. so, not sure what I'm going to do about that. i need to get out of the hole though. so, it will help not spending time and money on/with friends, though i do enjoy that alot.
I might get to see a movie this week. it's a big might though. I love going to movies.
I'll write more, maybe today. definitely tomorrow.
Love you all.
Lindsey